Diaries and Documenting

So in my last post I mentioned that I've been keeping a diary since I was nine. I really like a lot of the pages I've done in the past year. The diaries from early 2013 and before are just...I can't read them all the way through without stopping and staring into an invisible camera like I'm on The Office. I think I'm going to have to wait a few years before I get back to them.

This is my diary from this year:

These are the less word-heavy pages. I write in extensive rants on some days, but on others I kind of just want to cut and paste things and listen to music.

It's just a wad of messy handwriting, song lyrics, drawings I did in classs and pictures I liked/took. It's nothing incredibly moving - in fact, they're often incredibly dull - but I like not having to care about how it looks or how entertaining it is, because to me it's about venting and about looking back and remembering the stuff I don't ever want to forget and about appreciating the kind of stuff you notice once you take a second to think about it.

 I like being able to read what song I thought perfectly described how I felt that night whilst thinking about a certain boy (Pictures of You by The Cure), and I like knowing what I was really thinking about whilst a teacher was writing nonsensical formulas on the board, and reading how hard I tried to make what I was feeling make sense using my short list of meaningless words shows me that I've felt the way I'm feeling before, and that I got through it.

Knowing how I got to where I am now, though it is certainly not my destination, is really important to me because it's first hand proof that I've changed and that I'm growing up and that I'm closer to being the person that I want to be.

Emotional rant over.

- Maggie ❁